OOP245-UE: “The Magical Printer”

Report by Agent David Smith, ID 437

Location: ◼◼◼◼◼◼◼◼◼◼◼◼

Date: ◼◼◼◼◼◼◼◼◼◼◼◼, 2014

Classification: OoP

Number: 245

Effect: UE

After a raid into Blessed Productions’ office in ◼◼◼◼◼◼◼◼◼◼◼◼, an object was found. The object didn’t seem to be dangerous or immediately explosive, as we managed to touch it and carry it. After the raid was concluded, it was brought in for investigation.

Our thorough analysis led us to believe that this is an Altered Item initially, with an unique ability, the ability to alter fiction in any way it likes. It has the form of a 1970s office printer, with no apparent branding or date of manufacture.

This printer was completely unresponsive to any commands given. It doesn’t have any connection ports. We found it has a regular paper compartment but no paper was ever used, from what it looked like. It does not recognize any inputs to its main screen. It is essentially turned off for us, and since it has no ports, it doesn’t seem to use any power. Any attempts to pry it open broke the tool used for the attempt, no matter the tool.

However, we noticed that if we bring any work of fiction next to within the printer’s radius, the work is temporarily altered to have the printer inside of it, and with this, the work itself changes to both use it and protect its usage. We theorize that the printer is an agent of chaos and automatically creates a metaphorical agent of order to contain it. This led us to believe that since it creates an agent to ‘stop’ it, it is an Object of Power and not merely an Altered Item.

The fictional work matters little. It can be a novel of 1000 pages or a raunchy not-safe-for-work fan fiction that is one page long, it’ll be altered to include the printer. The description of the object in these works is the same, meaning it’s not just an Altered Object but an OoP with the ability to go through multiple fictional universes.

We have tested many different works of fiction nearby its radius to be affected by it and distance doesn’t matter. It could be as close or as far it could be inside the radius, it’ll be affected the same way. And every object is affected in different ways. These effects seemed to be temporary as the object carrying the fiction will return to normal once it leaves the radius. We determined that the radius is about 30 metres, in all directions.

Additionally, the printer seems able to do everything in these fictional stories, as opposed to nothing in our universe. Perhaps we haven’t reached its level of workable fiction or it does not work next or under the wing of an agent of order.

Current Objectives:

• Locate its connection to the Astral Realm and ‘connect’ directly to it, to turn it on.
• Correctly identify its current fictional capabilities.
• Identify its current real capabilities.
• Identify why it looks like a printer from the 1970s.
• Discover if there’s any permanent effects and what they would be.
• ◼◼◼◼◼◼◼◼ ◼◼◼◼◼◼◼◼◼ ◼◼◼◼◼◼◼ ◼◼◼◼◼◼◼◼◼◼◼◼ ◼◼ ◼◼◼◼◼◼◼◼ ◼◼◼◼◼◼ ◼◼◼◼◼◼◼◼◼ ◼◼◼◼◼◼ ◼
• Will it show up if we try to print a document, even if no physical connection with it was made?

Status: Report pending, investigations ongoing.

Status Report Updates

Date: April 4, 2015

FBC Agent Daisy Woodclash has informed that her cute book about babies has officially changed to have the printer inside of it. She has two copies of this book, as she is a collector, and the copy that was never exposed to it remains with the original text.

This confirms that the printer acts like an egotistical being’s attempt to insert itself into whatever it wants, and it’s mocking us for being under surveillance. This confirms that it’s an OoP, as it can certainly think.

Date: April 18th, 2015

After a long time, we were able to get a proper workable image of the printer. It is attached to this report.

Date: May 1st, 2015

After some tests from Agent Daisy Woodclash, we discovered that the printer’s area of alteration is 30 metres, in all directions. Information about the printer that was added by a person (aka not being the printer itself) is immune to its effects.